July 2011
2 posts
May 2010
1 post
Never Surrender by Skillet
[V1] Do you know what it’s like when You’re scared to see yourself Do you know what it’s like when You wish you were someone else Who didn’t need your help to get by Do you know what it’s like To wanna surrender [Chorus] I don’t wanna feel like this tomorrow I don’t wanna live like this today Make me feel better I wanna feel better Stay with me here And...
April 2010
1 post
You’ve been hurt…a lot…
You close up…
You like someone…
Open up! Put yourself out there. You might get hurt, yes. But you’ll never know what could have been, you’ll never get to experience anything, if you don’t take that chance.
You’re going to get hurt in life, it happens. But you can’t close yourself off and hope that it makes it...
March 2010
3 posts
Just sayin...
I hate drama. I hate two-faced people. I hate fake friends. I hate liars and story tellers. I hate gossipers.
Things get around fast. They don’t just affect one person. They can do damage.
Almost two months
And here I am laying in my bed for over an hour crying my eyes out and listening to sad songs. I’m all alone and missing the only true love of my life who I don’t even want anymore… Or so I thought. I don’t know what my problem is. Maybe that Sunday would have been 11 months and this month will be a year. but the 28th should mean nothing to me now. Just another day. I thought I was over all this...
Song Lyrics...
describe my life anymore. There is not one song that I have on my Ipod that doesn’t make me think about things. How things were how things went and how things are now…
Just wish I could put my feelings into words like these singers do…
February 2010
4 posts
Striving to make right what once was wrong
So I’m no longer friends with my ex-boyfriend. Which I’m ok with. We’re both happier this way. Yeah, it’s sad and I regret what has gone on between us but we’re both bettering ourselves and growing up and changing our lives. But this doesn’t mean I don’t love him or don’t care about him. I want him to be happy and move on with his life. I still pray...
My biggest mistake...
Dating my best friend.
I lost a good friend because he became my boyfriend. Obviously we were better friends. We rushed into something and now the friendship we had is gone forever. I want to think about the what ifs but there is nothing I can do about it now. What’s done is done no turning back.
Thoughtful...
He was the only one that read this so why do I even do this anymore…I write and write just to get my feelings out…nobody sees this or reads it so it doesn’t matter…It matters to me cuz I can get my thoughts and feelings out…If anyone ever does read this they know what’s going on in my head…Though sometimes things aren’t even clear in this…My...
I see him. I still see traces of that love for me. I see the pain he is going through. I see the way he still looks at me and watches me. I see that somewhere deep inside he’s still the Matt I love.
Than we speak. And all that goes out the window.
I see the way he reacts when I’m with my friends and he knows how I react. I see the face he tries to put on around me and I know he can...
January 2010
24 posts
“It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.”
– Alfred Lord Tennyson
Hard to know who’s right and who’s wrong in this thing. One person blames the other. One person has something to say about the others problems. This is when you step back and let it go. Give it to God. We’re not going to know who’s right or wrong. Only God knows what we’re supposed to do. This probably wasn’t handled well on either side. These things happen. God...
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It's not worth it anymore...
What am I fighting for? Someone that never truly loved me?
What am I wanting back? A life of lies?
What am I looking for? A man who acts differently than he talks?
I don’t know why I’m even trying anymore. He’s not my friend. He use to prove he loved me. Where did that love go? It never existed. Only hurt exists now.
Why am I the bad guy? I’m trying to let go. I’m...
What is love?
This post is a little different than the other one I have titled this…
I don’t know what love is anymore. I’m told I’m loved. I’m told that nothing will ever keep us apart and that we’ll be together forever. Bunch of fluff.
Is Love something that people tell you but never truly mean?
Is Love when someone tells you lots of good happy things than leaves you?
...
I just spent almost two hours outside. I stood by the bench where Matt and I had our first date and shared our first kiss. I put myself through the pain of cold out there just so I can get my thoughts straight and to cry and beg and plead to God. I feel like I didnt accomplish anything or figure anything out. I just got extremely cold. I thought of the good times and remembered the bad times. I...
It makes me mad that I use to love looking at cute guys I use to love to flirt and I was good at it. Now no other guy is attractive I have no skill in flirting nor a desire too. I don’t want anyone else I don’t even want to look at or think about anyone else. No one is him. It’s going to take a long time if ever to get over that. I’ve never felt this way. He might have said...
It’s weird how you have to lose the one you love to realize the problems in your life. You find out your worst qualities what probably drove him away and what killed the relationship. You also see things in him that you didn’t see before but also you see the things you loved the most and things you miss the most. Life seems empty without him and I have to try my hardest to keep from...
Just sitting here...
I’ve been blogging so much this afternoon. Just having thoughts going through my head, writing out ideas, thoughts, prayers. Praying out loud or in my head, crying out to God. I sit here alone no one else to comfort me, to be with me. I hate it sometimes because I think to much. But so much has come to my mind and God has showed me so much. Opened my eyes to his ways and what he wants. He...
Only way to get out my feelings...
Right now I can’t speak what I feel. It’s just too hard. Going to Dr. Newman even gave me some of the same conclusions I had pretty much came to myself. My thought processes are not working. Nothing else to tell the girls. It’s all just things I want to tell Matt, talk to Matt about. Not that no one else matters right now but he’s the only one on my mind. He can change his...
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What could have been done...
Contentment…
Devotions…
Prayer time…
Purity…
God-centered instead of self-centered…
Communication…
Less blame…
Praise…
So many things we could have done, worked on to make it work. Things that can still be done. We can change ourselves but we can also change ourselves together. Why must we change apart? Will we change so much that we can not...
This time last year
This time last year I lived in florida. I was with my best friend, Jill and her boyfriend Steve who took me out to eat. I got my ears pierced and everything. I had Chad in my life back then. It was a good day but my life was pretty much miserable. I was no in the center of God’s will, I wasn’t going to church, I had an inappropriate relationship with a guy, and I was trying to do...
Only God...
I really can’t explain everything that is going on right now. It’s just too confusing and hard to explain. It’s been a rough weekend more like past few months. Things happened over some time that have drove a wedge between us. But not the point. I might have lost my boyfriend but I haven’t lost my best friend I hope. God wanted this to happen and he’ll work it out....
One sided...
I hate when my friends complain to my other friends that I don’t talk to them anymore. They tell my friends that they miss me and that I stopped talking to them. But have they tried to talk to me? They think I have to start conversations and keep in contact with them when they never answer me. When people stop showing interest and initiative I just give up. I’ve had people leave me and...
“Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life’s...”
– Helen Steiner Rice
“Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand...”
– Stephen Packer
Fight Fight Fight
Feel guilty, pity party, cry
talk talk talk
fine
than it starts all over. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. Under any other circumstances i don’t think i could handle this. My patience has been tried over and over. We’ve been put to the test up one side and down the other. If I didn’t love him so much I think I’d kill him.
Is there something wrong? Months of...
December 2009
9 posts
Am I ok?
Why would I not be ok? Well, my boyfriend put it pretty good. I’m tired(Even though I sleep all day), I miss my boyfriend, even more so since today is his birthday, and I think I’ve done something wrong.
Ever since we left school seems like I only talk to Matt when he decides to call me at night. I use to talk to him on facebook and talk at night and if he’d be late he would let...
I know I have it better than a lot of people. I have an amazing boyfriend, a great family, I got to an awesome school, I have awesome friends, two great church families. I’m blessed I’m not going to lie. But sometimes I’m just not happy with things. I live miles away from my boyfriend. My church here in New Mexico is small and kinda dead, I live in a freakin small town where...
“Do you ever think that your life might be easier if you weren’t in love with me?”
– Edward Cullen, Eclipse, Chapter 10, p.230
“You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours.”
– Edward Cullen, Eclipse, Chapter 8, p.195
November 2009
11 posts
“I’d rather die than be with anyone else but you.”
– Bella Swan
“I will be there until your heart stops beating.”
– Jacob Black
In just a few days...
They say you can tell a lot about a guy by the way he interacts with his family. If he treats his mom well, he’ll treat his wife well. If he is respectful to his father, he’ll be respectful to your father and authority. If he gets along well with his siblings, he’ll be a good father…so on and so forth. Well, you really get to know a guy in his home surroundings. The way he...
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