Why would I not be ok? Well, my boyfriend put it pretty good. I’m tired(Even though I sleep all day), I miss my boyfriend, even more so since today is his birthday, and I think I’ve done something wrong.
Ever since we left school seems like I only talk to Matt when he decides to call me at night. I use to talk to him on facebook and talk at night and if he’d be late he would let me know. Now it’s like I rarely hear from him. I have to text him first, I don’t talk to him during the day than he just randomly calls when he’s done playing around at night. It’s like I’ve dropped on the priority list. I know he doesn’t want that and I know he says he’s going to fix it now but it does kinda hurt. I’m stuck here with nothing to do and no one to talk to. All I want are text messages saying hi or I love you or what are you doing or I’m doing this. just little things that may not seem like a lot but mean a lot to me. I want that spark back we use to have during the summer. Back when we never fought and I was the center of his universe. Back when we were falling in love and we weren’t in this rut. I wanna be missed. I know he misses me and loves me more than anything but I wanna be shown that.
I’m selfish I know it and that’s another reason why I’m not ok. I get bent out of shape for no reason just because I either can’t have it my way or I don’t feel special enough. I wanna stop making him feel guilty or making him feel bad.
Am I ok? Should I text him and tell him I’m not ok? I don’t even know if I’m ok to tell him that I’m not ok. I’m not lying if I don’t text him because I really don’t know and that’s what annoys me. Does my not know if I’m ok or not make me not ok?
Gah! Perplexities!
