Feel guilty, pity party, cry
talk talk talk
fine
than it starts all over. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. Under any other circumstances i don’t think i could handle this. My patience has been tried over and over. We’ve been put to the test up one side and down the other. If I didn’t love him so much I think I’d kill him.
Is there something wrong? Months of fighting. Nights that get ruined with something stupid we decide to fight over? When will this phase end? I thought it was already done? Looks like it’s just getting worse. Will being together make it better? Why is long distance so hard now? We were fine during the summer.
We think we fix things but than something comes up and it just starts all over again.
fight, guilt, talk, fine, fight, guilt, talk, fine
Whatever has become our favorite word! Pissed off all the time. Gosh-dangit! If I still cussed, I’d be cussing up a storm! We lie about not being ok. We try to hide our feelings. We try to keep quiet just so we can keep from upsetting each other. But the silence is sometimes worse.
I’m sorry to say it but he scares me when he’s mad. He does stupid stuff. Like speeding and hitting things is going to make it better. Like yelling or growling at me is going to make me understand. I’m not good with words so I never know what to say and I usually don’t say the right thing.
You can’t always sleep it off. We’ve been losing sleep, crying ourselves to sleep, talking all night, night drives?!, yelling. Just endless stuff that really puts strain on your life. Strain on your relationship.
This is hard. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so lost and scared. I’m not losing him. I’m fixing this. If it takes months of counseling with Dr. Newman, we are working this out!!
