This time last year I lived in florida. I was with my best friend, Jill and her boyfriend Steve who took me out to eat. I got my ears pierced and everything. I had Chad in my life back then. It was a good day but my life was pretty much miserable. I was no in the center of God’s will, I wasn’t going to church, I had an inappropriate relationship with a guy, and I was trying to do things on my own.
Here I am a year later. I’m in church, my life is right with God, I’m back in school, I’ve made a new set of friends, I have a party planned for later tonight. But yet I’m still miserable. I was dumped not even a week before my birthday. Yet again another birthday without a boyfriend. I thought I would have a boyfriend this birthday but yet again, alone.
It’s hard not to think about these things. You want things to be one way and hope they are that way and plan for them to go that way but they don’t.
Matt may still be my friend and he’s still celebrating my birthday with me but it’s not the same. I wanted that birthday hug and kiss. I wanted that special birthday dinner with just the two of us. I wanted that long awaited birthday surprise present. But no all got thrown in my face and I had to make last minute plans.
God, I don’t always understand what the heck is going on and why this is happening to me but you do. You know why. Just sometimes I wish you would show me.
I thought and hoped this year would be different…
