Contentment…
Devotions…
Prayer time…
Purity…
God-centered instead of self-centered…
Communication…
Less blame…
Praise…
So many things we could have done, worked on to make it work. Things that can still be done. We can change ourselves but we can also change ourselves together. Why must we change apart? Will we change so much that we can not be put back together? Will we change were we grow closer together? If we build up our friendship again will we fall in love all over again or realize we are best just friends? One side my hope the other side my worse fear.
Time…Space…Things I don’t want. I want to be with him again because I am sucking at being apart from him. Time, time for what get over each other or what? Space, space for what to think about things to make sure this is the right decision? Does it hurt him as much as it hurts me? Is he happier without me or as miserable as I am?
These are things I have been asking myself. But I don’t know because I don’t see or hear from him anymore. Friends…How hard is that going to be? I’m so lost and confused all my focus is gone. My semester is going terrible but is his going better? God is behind me holding me trying to get me to calm down and says it’s going to be ok I know what I’m doing. It’s going to take time but I’ll work things out with you two.
He’s the love of my life, my soul-mate, helpmeet, companion, best friend. Life without him is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Where is my life leading now? I’m praying about switching to a four year major and God seems to be telling me to do so but why? I don’t want to stay here longer if my heart is going to break every time I see Matt. God seems to be leading down some strange paths to get me to be patient and trust him. Hardest lesson he’s ever thrown at me…
