I’ve been blogging so much this afternoon. Just having thoughts going through my head, writing out ideas, thoughts, prayers. Praying out loud or in my head, crying out to God. I sit here alone no one else to comfort me, to be with me. I hate it sometimes because I think to much. But so much has come to my mind and God has showed me so much. Opened my eyes to his ways and what he wants. He knows what I want but he wants me to work for it. I have to better myself and my walk with God and I have to be here to wait for Matt to do the same and possibly be here to help him along. Matt has to be willing to accept help and offer help too.
I am too stay another 2 or 3 years to finish a four year degree. I’m pretty sure I’m to stay in Iowa over the summer and work which is still being worked out. I am to be the best friend I can be to Matt than eventually be the one he calls his own again. I don’t know what else God has planned whether it’s for Matt to be in the pastorate or not.
I just know that I’m not giving up. I’m not just walking with God anymore I’m like jogging. He’s the only reason I haven’t broken down in total tears right now. I don’t know if Matt is reading these but I’m planning on talking to him about it anyway.
Break ups are hard but make ups are easy. Trust and faith is hard. Persistence and diligence is hard. Matt fought for me for almost 3 years now I’m going to do the fighting and not let what he worked so hard for go down the drain.
