It’s weird how you have to lose the one you love to realize the problems in your life. You find out your worst qualities what probably drove him away and what killed the relationship. You also see things in him that you didn’t see before but also you see the things you loved the most and things you miss the most. Life seems empty without him and I have to try my hardest to keep from crying everyday. But they if you love something let it go and it will come back to you if it’s meant to be. It’s hard to go through each day waiting for him but at the same time not. Trying to move on but still holding onto some hope. Life is so different without him and it is so hard to get use to. It’s hard to concentrate on things. It takes all my power to get thru the day but by God’s grace I’ve done it so far. It’s a lil easier now that he’s talking to me but things are always gonna come up that make things harder. I want to help him and still be there for him. I don’t want things to turn out the same way between me and him as they did with Chad or with his exes. God is doing work in both of us and we both have a long way to go. He waited 2 1/2 years for me I’m sure I can wait for him. Until God tells me differently I’m not going to completely give up. As much as I want the pain and the memories to go away it’s going to take time. Time that I don’t want to be apart from him but have no choice. Counseling, friends, sleeping, and classes, things to get my mind off of the problems and fears. My world may have crashed around me but God is the only one able to put it back together. My mind is jut full of thoughts feelings fears dreams. So confusing I get lost. Devotions prayer kneeling humbleness patience is all that’s gonna help.
