What am I fighting for? Someone that never truly loved me?
What am I wanting back? A life of lies?
What am I looking for? A man who acts differently than he talks?
I don’t know why I’m even trying anymore. He’s not my friend. He use to prove he loved me. Where did that love go? It never existed. Only hurt exists now.
Why am I the bad guy? I’m trying to let go. I’m trying to move on. I’m trying to just be me. But I get blamed for having a dark side. I’m the one scaring people and he’s going to be the hero. He’s the one that’s been a friend to me. Yeah, sure. How many friends is that going to turn from me now.
I’m here for school. Not boyfriends, not friends, Just school. And that’s all I’m going to do now. I’ll go to class, go to church. That’s really all I need. Why put myself through unnecessary pain. Everyone is going to let me down, hurt me and leave me anyways.
God is my only friend. He is the only one that hears me. If people think I’m not trusting him than they are wrong. He’s the only one I talk to. He is the only one that holds me anymore. The only one that cares. He knows the whole story, what goes on behind the scenes.
No counseling is going to help me. People can’t help me. Only God. I want people to stop doubting my faith. I don’t understand why everyone has to think bad of me. All I do is try. But I”m not trying to please men and make men happy. Only God. People can think what they want. I know what’s really going on. No one else.
